Damsels in Success

When Promotion Gets Personal

I want my work to speak for itself…but actually, what I really want is my work to market, publicize, and promote itself, leaving me to just, well, work.

But the reality I’ve been learning to accept in the past few months is that small business owners and first-time authors (and anyone launching a new product, service, or idea) need to bring on the hustle. However, there’s also a fine line between shameless and tasteful self-promotion, and lately I feel like I’m constantly stumbling back and forth between the two. With my first book Seventeen’s Guide to Getting Into College coming out next week, I feel the impending pressure to spread the word to high schools and teenagers the world over, but to do so gracefully.

Anyone who knows me might think I would have no problem pounding the pavement with my latest projects—I mean, I’ve practically spent more than a decade as a cheerleader in the both the literal and figurative world of marketing and pr. I love telling people about great films, books, restaurants, shops, and musicians. But when it comes to my own stuff, I dread the inevitable moment when I become not just creator, but self-promoter.

And I know there must be others out there who struggle with this delicate balance, so I humbly submit some of the lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes and awkward fumbles.

Get Over Yourself: If I’m really honest, it’s not so much that I don’t want to tell others about my projects, it’s that I don’t want to face the rejection if they don’t happen to think it’s super awesome. But the fact is, I’m excited about my creative efforts, and even if others disagree or it’s not their style or they don’t even get back to me—that’s okay.

Promote Your Competition: Sounds backwards, right? But the truth is we’re all in this together, and by promoting your competition with an endorsement, review, or ping I’ve found the karma usually has a way of making its way back with awesome returns.

Keep it Succinct: Sometimes my passion for education gets the best of me, and in my excitement I become long-winded. So I’ve had to work on refining my pitch to the main points whether in an email or conversation. And I’ve found that brevity has done wonders for getting responses.

I would love to hear any other tips you fabulous women use to navigate the tricky waters of self-promotion, and thanks for indulging mine!

To see Jaye’s attempts at tasteful self-promotion, check out her website and advice blog, Guide & Seek™.

9 Tools to Brighten Your Financial Future

Whoever said ignorance is bliss couldn’t have been referring to bank account numbers and gas prices. No matter how hard I try to ignore them, the numbers (or what I imagine them to be in my state of ignorance) loom over me as my once-healthy savings account steadily shrinks. To combat the tightening feeling in my chest, I’ve decided to stop ignoring my numbers and, instead, figure out just what I need to financially survive and (fingers crossed) thrive now—and in the future. Turns out, the figuring is a lot easier than I thought—there are all kinds of online calculators out there just waiting to do the work for you. You can calculate everything from whether you should buy that car you’ve had your eye on, to how much using public transportation would save you, to what your personal budget should be … plus a whole lot of stuff in between.

Will public transportation save me money?
Every time I turn on the news, they’re talking gas, gas, gas. But when I get on the subway, the dollars seem to creep up just as fast. This site had me enter some basic information about my commute, my car, and local public transportation, and it spit back how much I can save each year on the subway ($3,214!). Bonus feature—it breaks down different public transportation options in your area.

How much should I expect from the government when I retire?
That depends. The official Retirement Estimator, found on the Social Security Web site, asks you when you want to retire, your earnings history, and what you plan to earn in the future. Input these—along with stats like your birthday, place of birth, name, and (sort of scary) Social Security Number—and the calculator pulls up an estimate of the Social Security benefits you’ll receive during your golden years. And if the initial estimate doesn’t seem too golden, it’ll create some additional scenarios for you to check out as well.

Speaking of retirement, how much should I be saving?
If there’s anything that the Retirement Estimator accomplished for me, it was jump-starting a new dedication to my savings accounts. Looks like I’m a member of the generation that can expect, well, just about nothing in terms of Social Security. Whether you are in the same boat, or you just want to make sure you’ll be prepared, this calculator tells you how much you will save switching from a brand-name service to the generic one by the time you retire. (For me this means bye-bye to HBO and a bunch of fancy movie channels.) I could be saving $840 each year and $25,200 extra dollars by the time I want to retire. Time to call the cable company.

How do I make a monthly budget?
Making a monthly budget is one of those great ideas that never actually becomes a reality for me. Making a budget entails tracking every expense, and that always turns out to be not only incredibly meticulous, but a bit depressing—sort of like food journals. This calculator does the hard work for you—all you have to do is enter a few numbers and click “calculate.” Mine still turned out to be depressing (I shop way too much), but it’s nice to see it all laid out in a colorful pie graph. I’m printing it out and putting it on the fridge.

Should I rent or buy?
This all-things-mortgage calculator will break it all down, whatever your mortgage dilemma is. Enter how much you’re paying in rent, and it’ll tell you what you can buy for the same amount over a certain amount of time. If you’re already considering buying, check out the Affordability Calculator to see what it’ll really cost you or save you—and the taxes you’ll be paying. Other useful calculators on this site fill you in on whether you should refinance or pay a little more every month.

What’s the best car payment option for me?
This calculator allows you to start with the car payment you’re willing to pay every month and then shows you what you can afford—or you can enter the car price first and it will break down different payment plans.

How can I finance school for the kids (or myself)?
Whether you’re paying your way through school or you’re looking ahead to financing your kids’ degrees, these calculators let you explore college savings plans and goals, how much school will cost when you plan to enroll, and financial aid and loan options.

For me, planning is at least half the financial battle. But these sites make planning a lot faster and less painful … and actually kind of fun. Here’s to leaving ignorance behind.

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DivineCaroline.com is a website where career savvy women like you can read and contribute stories, reviews, and forums. Please visit our vibrant community soon.

The Making of a Mentor

I recently joined a group of women writers who are starting a mentoring program for teenage girls. We plan to meet a couple of times a month with girls who are interested in writing and support them in their exploration of the possibilities that writing holds. We'll do exercises, discuss each others' works, practice reading our own writing, and just spend time writing together.

I was hesitant to join at first. Who am I, after all, to be a mentor? I'm not a big-wig in the writing industry. I haven't written any bestsellers yet. I'm just me. But eventually I decided to participate in this group because I wanted to encourage young writers to follow their hearts, practice their craft and explore their abilities.

When I was a teenager, my creativity wasn't exactly encouraged. It wasn't discouraged, either, but I was gently guided away from my creative pursuits and toward skills that would make me money in the future. At 13, instead of putting effort and time into writing, which I really enjoyed, I put away my journals and started preparing for college and medical school beyond that. This wasn't a bad thing in itself--I was good at science and math and enjoyed those things, too--but following my guidance counselor's lead caused me to put away any dreams of a creative life. It was a decade before they finally resurfaced. Because of this, I want to help young women find their dreams and hold onto them, make them real.

Becoming a mentor has made me think about my own mentors. Yes, I have mentors, too. Some are my friends. Some I've never met. Some aren't even writers. I have a business mentor, a financial mentor, a group of peer mentors that help me polish my work and pursue my dreams, and plenty of fellow writers who have done something I want to do or who have a skill I want to learn. They may not know they're my mentors, but when I'm around them, I glean as much as I can from them. Mentoring can happen anywhere, at any time, by anyone. You just need to be open to the possibility.

You don't have to be part of a group to be a mentor, and the person you mentor doesn't have to be a teenage writer. Do you know someone who's just starting out in the writing business or someone who writes for fun? Why not send him an email and offer to chat over coffee about your experiences as writers? Or maybe you know someone who's looking for the support of a writing community. Give her a call and set up a meeting. If you write, if you read, if you have learned anything about the process, business or experience of writing, then you have plenty to offer.

If you're thinking about mentoring, here are a few things to remember:

    * Anyone can mentor. You don't have to be uber-successful, prize-winning or rich. You only have to love what you do and do what you love. There is always someone out there with less experience or knowledge that could use a hand up, some motivation or a little encouragement.
    * Mentoring doesn't have to take a lot of time. Although commitment to the person you're mentoring is important, you don't have to dedicate hours each day or entire days each week to provide effective support. Be consistent, but don't overstretch yourself. Mentoring should be fun, not a chore. Maybe your mentoring occurs spontaneously and only on occasion, or maybe you meet regularly for dinner. Whatever the case, make your time together productive and it won't matter if you spend and hour together or a full day.
    * Mentoring doesn't have to be one-on-one. You might not live near the person you're mentoring, or your schedules just might not click, but that doesn't mean you can't be her mentor. You can provide encouragement over the phone or by email. Or you might start a website where you can provide support to multiple writers at once through encouraging and informative articles. And if you know of several people looking for mentors, you could start a workshop or mentoring group where you can support one another at whatever writing stage you're at.
    * You might get something out of it, too. It feels good to know you're helping someone else reach her dreams. And providing encouragement for others can inspire your own writing. Besides, you never know what good stories, ideas or opportunities might come out of your conversations.

Are you a mentor to others? Do you have any mentors? What does your mentor-"mentee" relationship look like? Do you think mentoring is beneficial to your career?

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This post was originally published at Ami's writing blog, Write Out Loud. While it's aimed at writers who want to be mentors, it can be applied to anyone looking to mentor others in their own areas of interest or expertise.

Visit Ami's personal blog or her professional website to learn more about her. You can also check out her new writing blog, Write Out Loud, a place for writers looking to free the stories inside them.

Mandatory Lockdown

A coaching client called me for emergency support. She was understandably freaked out over an unfortunate--but all-too-common--"dope" mistake.

She frantically told her tale:

“I was venting to a coworker about a heated phone discussion I’d just had with my boss about the way he wanted to handle a project. Well into my rant, to my horror, I saw that my cell phone had called back my boss’s number. I’m not sure if he heard my trash talk, or if his voice message recorded it. I’m basically screwed, don’t you think?”

My advice? I shared this story with her, along with some damage control--and future prophylactic--tips:

My friend, Tam, a successful attorney, was due in court. On the way to the courthouse, she calls the case coordinator (whose office is right outside the judge’s office) to confirm the time and place of the hearing. So the last number Tam calls before arriving at the courthouse and meeting her client is that number.

While on the elevator, Tam warns her client about how unreasonable the judge is, how he’s unfair, how sometimes he follows the law but sometimes he doesn’t. “I said all the worst things you could possibly say about a judge,” she recalled to me. “I think I probably even called him an asshole.”

She and her client arrive. Tam says, “We’re here for the hearing,” and the case coordinator says, “Yeah, we know.” Tam says, “Really? How did you know?”

The coordinator says, “On the way here, your phone dialed back our phone. We put you on speaker. The judge heard everything.” Tam told me, “They were laughing their asses off at me. I’m not sure he [the judge] was laughing, but the rest of them were.” Tam says to the coordinator, “Okay. Thank you.”

The judge convenes the hearing. In front of the clients and her opposing counsel, he opens with:

“So, I heard you say that you think I’m unreasonable, Ms. G.”

Tam’s reponse (gulp!)?

“Yes, I think you’re unreasonable sometimes, and that you can be unfair, and that sometimes you don’t follow the law. And I may be the lawyer and you may be the judge, but I’m entitled to my opinion—though I suppose I should keep it to myself.”

Telling this story, Tam said to me: “What else was I going to do? I was about to pee my pants, but I stood up there and admitted to what I’d done. And the judge ended up being okay with it.”

My advice to my client?

1. Feel better? You’re not the only one that this happens to. And note how refreshing it is to hear that someone caught with egg on her or his face owns up to it.

2. Unless your boss raises the issue, pretend it never happened (and hope/assume that he didn’t hear); this is what men do. Women, on the otherhand, often point out an error that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

3. If your boss does confront you, or gives you the unmistakable cold shoulder, it’s simple: don’t excuse your behavior. Tell the truth. Don’t obfuscate (e.g., don’t say, "Well at least your acid reflux was in remission when I bashed you.")

4. Cop to it. “Yes, I was upset. Yes, I strongly disagreed with your decision. I still respect you as my boss even though I still think you’re wrong. And I was wrong for venting behind your back. Obviously, you have final say, so I’ll get on board. And perhaps schedule a therapy session to deal with my mortification that you heard me.” (A little humor never hurts.)

Overarching Lessons?

1. Be careful about venting; Karma can bite.

2. Religiously use the lock function on your phone. Prevent embarrassment and command performance backpedaling by exercising this technological due diligence.

Can You Afford To Start a Small Business?

Let me guess. You can’t afford it. You’d really love to [start a home business/spend time with your kids/give money to charity/adopt a child from China], you really would, but you just can’t afford it. If I hear that phrase one more time, I’m going to do something drastic.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re lying. You can afford it. You’re just choosing not to. In your case, that could be a wise choice or it could be a stupid choice, but it’s yours and you’re making it.

I could tell you about Christine who spent time hanging out in the upper echelons of homelessness. I could tell you about Harri in Finland, busting his ass and saving like crazy to work from home with his two little boys.

I could tell you about the time I spent six months in a homeless shelter. I could tell you about rolling pennies to buy a half-pound bag of generic rotini.

I could tell you what it feels like to have no money for baby formula. To fill the empty can with flour and return it to the store, claiming it tastes funny. To lie and steal to get free milk for your kid. To be 20 and single and totally unprepared for motherhood and dirt ass poor.

You don’t care and I don’t blame you. But don’t tell me you can’t afford it.

When I had Jack, Jamie took parental leave. In Canada, we get 55% of our salary for 50 weeks, up to 35 of which can be taken by the father. People looked at him like he was crazy. People came right out and said he was crazy. “How can you afford it?” “You’ll never be able to afford it!” “I wish we could do that but we can’t afford it.”

Here’s my open reply. We did not have a car. We did not have a house. We did not have cable TV, or a Best Buy account, or a shoe habit. We did not take vacations. We did not have a gym membership. We did not drink non-negotiable morning cappuccinos.

We sacrificed a damn lot and we got six blissful months of doing nothing but getting to know our new baby son.

Is this for everyone? Absolutely not. Are there things I will not give up? Hell, yes. But if I don’t do something or buy something or go somewhere, it’s not because I can’t afford it.

It’s because other things are more important.

When you say you can’t afford something, you are giving away your power. There might be damn good reasons for you to keep your day job. You want to save up some money first. You like the security. The health benefits come in handy. You can’t stand the sight of your husband. Hell, maybe you actually enjoy it.

Those are all choices, and they may be good ones, but they’re yours and you’re the one making them. Stop wimping out and start telling the truth.

Marriage and PR

Being married is a job. Even if you are totally in love, there are days when you have to work at the relationship. People grow and change and if you don’t stay up to date, you may find yourself miserable or even alone. Having a successful PR career is very much like a successful marriage, or any relationship really. It requires certain fundamental rules regarding social engagement and personal development. Here are a few tips I have picked up along the way.

1.Never take anything for granted – This I have learned the hard way. Just because your spouse loves you, doesn’t mean they should have to put up with a lifetime of bad behavior or neglect. Do this one too many times and you will lose big time.

PR takeaway – treat your clients the way you would a spouse/good friend. Never make assumptions based on past decisions. Your approach/campaign may be based on outdated company opinions, which just equates to wasted time and effort (read $$$). Always touch base and never do something “because that’s the way it has always been done.” Also take the time to catch up with clients other than a hurried email. A personal phone call can reap big rewards when it comes time for them to renew a contract or refer you to someone else. That personal touch may be what puts you over the top.

2.There is always room for improvement – Maybe you came into your marriage with the idea that you would handle all the finances because after all you have the MBA and that your significant other would cook because well, you can’t. Again, don’t assume. There are always opportunities for growth in a relationship, and maybe the love of your life can help you with that tricky financial problem you can’t solve. There is always room to improve and allowing others to help, even if it is “your” area of expertise can make you grow closer.

PR Takeaway –Don’t freak if your client comes back after you busted your butt with some critical feedback. Becoming defensive will not help your career and may alienate you from the account. Understand that constructive criticism, even if it comes from someone you consider to have NO knowledge of the subject matter, can be useful, often for that very reason. In PR we strive to understand our public. In my particular job, that means knowing what average Joe blow is thinking – so that means I do want to know what the bathroom attendant and the AC repair guy think. Even if I don’t agree.

3.Keep an open mind to new experiences – I never really thought much about foreign cinema and music until I met my husband. It isn’t that I actively disliked it or anything; I had just never been exposed and kind of had the idea that it was probably a little boring. Well, I was wrong. Now everything from Akira Kurosawa to Sigur Ròs fascinates me. I have learned that having an open mind has really allowed me to enjoy my life more fully, because of the incredible range of experiences that I might have missed had I not been willing to try them.

PR Takeaway- You (or more than likely your boss since you are reading this!) may be from the “old school” and may be hesitant to try new things such as social media technologies such as blogging and Youtube. They may worry about the long-term effectiveness of something they think of as “new-fangled”. Be patient and show them concrete examples of what being open minded can do for your company and for your clients. If you remain open minded and continue to learn and grow, your enthusiasm may begin to rub off on those with a narrower frame of reference.

4.Not everything is logical or fair – My father always told me that life isn’t fair, and he wasn’t kidding. There have many times in my relationship that I felt like stomping my foot or shaking my fist from frustration and screaming “It just isn’t fair!” Why does he make more money in an hour and I work seven days a week for less? Why does she get to sleep in everyday and never gains weight and I can look at a cookie and gain five pounds? Well, if you can get past the anger, you can start to look at what appear to be unfair situations as learning experiences. I know that may be a stretch for those who are hot-headed and emotional (with me among you) but if you can manage it, viewing these times that challenge our mental and emotional stamina can become a positive rather than a negative.

PR Takeaway – So you lost the account after you worked around the clock for three straight months; that sucks. Your budget was just yanked, a month before the project was supposed to happen and you have to be the bearer of bad news, rather than the higher-up who did the cutting; it’s awful. What can you learn from these situations? How to be a better leader, how to hone your communication skills, especially in crisis situations, and how to let go and move on. No, it isn’t easy, logical, or fair. But it is what it is and at the risk of sounding annoyingly Zen, you can affect it or direct it, so just accept it. Tomorrow is a new day.

5.Bad news travels faster and has more impact than good news – You forgot to pay a bill, pickup the kid’s prescription or write a thank you card you promised you’d write. Oops. Even if you scramble, your spouse will often know (it’s magic I swear) when you screw up much quicker than when you get it right. (Refer to tip #1 to avoid taking the good stuff for granted!) Bad news also has greater weight often – just look at the news. It is always the exceptions to the rules of society that are in the headlines; at least that is what we remember (if it bleeds, it leads right?) even if there is breaking news about the nonprofit that just reached their goal of reaching two million children via new books and school supplies. Nope, you will remember the killer in the woods. Same with marriage – during an argument, it is all the bad stuff you remember and none of the good stuff, even if you or your spouse is a saint (which you wouldn’t be arguing if you were.)

PR Takeaway – Know that bad news will get out and that it will spread like crazy, more so if you try to squelch it. A good PR person knows that admission goes further in helping you retain credibility than denials. (Remember Tylenol?) Always be truthful and take the time to remind your clients why they came to you in the first place. There is no shame in reminding them of all the things you have done right. Do not get bogged down though. Just like a good fight, let the anger go and the next day you may not even remember what you were arguing about. Move forward and continue putting out newsworthy information and just maybe as this guy says, people will quickly change the subject and you will be off the hot seat before you know it.

Hopefully these things will help you to become a better PR professional. I am by no means an expert, but these tips are certainly helping me to become a better communicator, both at work and at home. Think I missed one; want to add to the list? Post a comment!

Park Perfectionism

“I’m a perfectionist. It keeps me from meeting deadlines and working up to my potential. But I’m so young and new at this company, I’m afraid of screwing up and not being as good as everyone else.”

I hear countless versions of this lament from a ton of clients, friends—and from that little voice inside my own head. Sound familiar? Join the club.

Perfectionists are so focused on their belief that a project or task or goal isn’t perfect that they never finish anything on time — or at all.

The inability to execute is a major energy drain, but not only because of the actual effort you’re exerting by working on the project. More importantly, constantly thinking about what hasn’t been completed saps a huge amount of mental air time. A classic psychological study, “The Zeigernick Effect,” found that uncompleted tasks weigh heavily on our minds; once they are done, we quickly forget them.

For perfectionists, the list of incomplete tasks just gets longer and longer; the energy drain is endless. You lie awake in bed at night; you use your leisure time, always obsessing about what you haven’t completed.

Contrast this to people who are able to get it done — even if it’s not perfect — and then move on; they enjoy the benefit of having energy that was formerly deployed for an unfinished project now freed up for new ideas, creativity and passion for their work. Think about this, and you have the perfect motivation to park perfectionism. Here’s how to do it.

1. Adopt the mantra “good enough.”

When a project is 85 percent good enough, move it off of your desk. What’s the worst possible outcome? You make a mistake, you learn from that mistake, and you do it better next time.

The benefit? You’ll create more opportunities to challenge yourself on the job by risking turning in that good-enough assignment; by moving more quickly and nimbly from one project on to the next, you free up temporal and mental space for fresh projects and challenges to make their way into your “inbox.” Accept that you’re sometimes going to fail. Mistakes equal learning opportunities.

I heard a powerful woman say, “You can’t make the basket if you don’t take the shot.” Do your research, then execute. At the very least, you're giving yourself a shot. Tell yourself each and every day that good enough is the perfect goal. And you just might make the shot.

2. Embrace your expertise.

My interviews with 500 high-achieving women for my book, Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word: A Woman's Guide To Earning Her Worth and Achieving Her Dreams, revealed that 95 percent of those women periodically feel like impostors in their fields, that their colleagues and competitors know more than they do.

Recognize that the fraud police Are Not going to show up at your door.

How to get this through your head? Write down your accomplishments (for your eyes only). Brag; don’t be modest. The majority of the women I work with who do this exercise are surprised by just how much they have accomplished, surprised by how many of their achievements they’ve forgotten about or minimized (“Wow! I’ve done all that?!”). Remind yourself of your track record to give yourself a more objective perspective about how skilled you really are.

3. Invest in lifelong learning.

Keep your mind filled with fresh, cutting-edge information to fuel your confidence. Read your industry’s trade publications and books that are getting buzz. Scan the headlines of major business papers on a daily basis. Take brief, intensive classes once a quarter; do a Saturday workshop or conference.

Buy high-quality CD or MP3 courses. Listen to them while you drive. Or subscribe to www.Audio.com, then, for example, do daily downloads of the Wall Street Journal then scan headlines and listen to articles that interest you each morning while you work out.

Most of all, give yourself permission to be imperfect, because that’s just being human.

Getting Along in the Office: Being Friends with Co-Workers and Employees

You probably spend as many hours at work as you do awake at home. Thus, you spend as much time with your co-workers as with your family.

It is nice to be able to tell people at work important things that are going on at home. Sometimes it is nice to gain the insight of a co-worker about a personal problem. As a result, it is hard to determine where to draw the line with business friendships. Should you be sharing all kinds of intimate details about your home life, or should you keep totally quiet about what goes on away from work?

Sharing too much can make others think less of you

One of my first supervisors had problems with her husband. She began to come in to work late. Then she would sit and tell her assistant all of her problems. As time went on, she did no work, and neither did her assistant. When she decided to move out on her husband, her assistant took the day off and helped. From that point on, her assistant no longer respected her, and no longer worked very hard.

When you are at work, you would like to be judged by the quality of work that you do. If you are a wonderful worker, but share with everyone that you cannot control your home life, they will include that in their estimation of you.

The main goal of work

At home with your family and friends, your main goal may be to socialize. The main reason that people go to work, is to work. People sometimes forget that.

How much should you share?

Some people believe that others are very interested in all of their problems. Perhaps others show concern, but most likely they don’t really want to be totally involved.

Keeping a distance between your work life and your home life is a good thing.

Here is a list of things to keep to yourself:

*Details of an illness
*Details of your arguments with your spouse
*Details of your financial problems
*Details of your vacation
*For women, details of their monthly cycles
*Details of romantic conquests
*Involvement with what your child is selling from school

Here is a list of things you can share:

*That you were sick and are now well
*That you are buying a new house
*That you are going on vacation
*That you are having problems at home, but not what those problems are

Supervisors should not socialize with their employees

Imagine a situation in which the supervisor and several of the employees have a weekly poker game. Imagine that it becomes apparent that one of the employees in the poker group is not working effectively, and should be fired. The supervisor has a very hard problem. If she fires the employee, the poker group might fall apart. On the other hand, if she keeps the employee and the weekly game, she will have to do the employee’s work to ensure that it gets done. Supervisors should not socialize with their employees.

When You Feel Like a Raging Failure

You’re not alone. I’m typing this in bed, on the new laptop my IttyBiz readers bought me. (By the way? Thanks for that.) To my right, on the floor, on Jamie’s side of the bed, sit two Macintosh computers. They belong to my mother. For those of you who are new, I’ll take this opportunity to mention that my mother moved to Europe in 2005. I have yet to get off my ass to put them in storage. To my left is a floor full of books. They used to live in my busted chipboard bookshelf, but Jack likes to play with them, taking them down and putting them back in an order he feels is more appropriate. The last time he played this game was about 10 days ago. The books are still on the floor. Neither of us can get into bed from the sides, so we come up from the foot.

Jack is covered in a rash from ankle to neck and scratches himself every hour of the day and night. My bathtub is full of baby sleepers and cold water where I tried, and failed, to get the blood out of his clothes. He is crying in his room and Jamie is trying to comfort him — nothing I was doing was helping and I am now under my covers sporting silent headphones, trying to drown out the noise so I can cry and type in peace. I fear he either has or will shortly get an infection from the cuts that don’t heal, and all the doctor does is tell us to try Aveeno. Because I guess we never thought of that.

I missed a client call. I want to reschedule but everything is so up in the air, I don’t even know when to tell them. I feel horrible, guilt-ridden and sick. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like my home business, doing what I love, is a fabulous sparkly present and I’m stomping on it daily. I feel like every time I fuck something up, little bits of sparkle wash down the drain and soon I will be left with nothing. I don’t know how in the hell I’m ever going to deliver on all of the promises I’ve made — promises I want to keep, promises I had every intention of keeping, promises that I didn’t think would be a problem.

There is no how-to in this post. I do not know how to dig my way out of this. Sometimes when something is wrong, it’s helpful to pretend that the problem belongs to someone else and you can think of the advice you’d give them. Unfortunately, under these circumstances, my advice would be trite and ridiculous. I would tell people to plug away, item by item, list by list, until they had fought their way out. I think we all know that’s delightful advice in a vacuum, but it doesn’t account for emotional states that include bursting into tears watching Ellen give away $100 gift cards to Trader Joe’s. Overwhelm does not occur in a vacuum and vacuum advice doesn’t help worth a damn.

The only thing I really hope to accomplish with this post is this: If you feel shitty, you’re not alone. If you feel like, now that you’ve got your itty bitty business off the ground, you’re furious with yourself for not skipping with glee every moment, it’s not just you. If you feel like nobody on the goddamn planet understands what you’re going through, at least I do. If you feel like, now that you’re at home full time, you should provide your children with home-cooked meals and wash the sheets every other day and only show quality, commercial-free programming on your television and have sex with your husband six nights a week and have a floor that’s more carpet than ground-up-Cheerio, you’re not the only one.

Preparing for Promotion - Acting the Part

Are you happy in your current position? Or are you expecting to climb the ladder or rise in your career to a higher position? If you’re happy where you are, if you’ve reached the pinnacle of your career or you’re doing what you love with no desire to move up or move on, then this article isn’t for you. But if you’re hoping to get a promotion or a new position, then read on. Today we’re talking about preparing for a promotion.

The best advice I’ve ever heard in the business world was, “Dress for the position you want.” What I really want in life is to be a full-time freelance writer who works from home and wears her pajamas all day, but for now PJs won’t cut it in the corporate world. I’ve worked at jobs where jeans and a t-shirt was the standard uniform, and to be completely honest, wearing a business suit or even dress pants and a blouse would have been the most idiotic thing I could have done (think preschools and ice cream parlors). When I started working in the business world, though, I realized my clothes meant more to my job.

I learned to dress the part I’d been cast in, and then I learned to dress the part I was hoping to land. This mentality didn’t stop with dressing, either. Every time I realized I wanted something new—a promotion, a different position altogether—I started acting the part, too. I would get involved in projects that would stretch my abilities, I would take on responsibilities that were reflective of the position I wanted, I would ask questions and put the answers to work. And when the opportunity arose, I would slip seamlessly into the role I’d earned.

If you’re ready to move on up the ladder, here are a few ways you can start acting the part for the position you want.

Know where you want to go. A large part of getting to your destination is knowing where you’re headed. Working toward the position you’re hoping to land obviously won’t work as well if you’re unsure of what you want.

Try on new hats. Whether you know exactly what position you want or you’re still not sure what you want to be when you grow up, taking on varying responsibilities or trying out new roles can help you figure out where you’d like to go and how to get there.

Stretch yourself. While I’d never recommend taking on more than you can handle, I’d highly recommend taking on challenges. Don’t just raise your hand for the tasks you’re sure you’ll be good at. By volunteering to help with projects you’ve never done before (so long as you have the basic skills necessary) you’ll learn something new and you might just discover you have talents you didn’t realize you had.

Volunteer to lead. If there’s an opportunity to take the lead on a project you know you’ll do well at, step up to the plate. Don’t wait to be asked, either. Taking initiative shows you believe you’re ready for the responsibility and indicates to management that you have the ability to take on a challenge.

Recognize your strengths—and weaknesses. No one is perfect. Recognize that you’re not going to be good at everything. Then accentuate your strengths by taking on tasks that illustrate those strengths to others.

Keep track of your accomplishments. Having a list of the projects you worked on when your yearly review comes around will provide plenty of ammunition when you ask for that promotion (or a raise). Your manager can’t argue with your achievements if you’ve got them all on paper.

If you work hard and work smart, any job that you want can be yours. You just have to act the part until the right people take notice.

Be a Productivity Role Model

Have you ever taken an honest look at how you are perceived around the office?  Your behavior, attitude, and reputation play a huge role in how you interact with coworkers and subordinates.  Others may listen to you because of your job title, but if that's the only reason, you have a serious problem on your hands.

I’m not talking about superficial issues like dressing well or keeping a tidy office. It goes deeper than that—to your attitude towards work and your attitude towards personal productivity.

Do you have a reputation of exceptional organization, follow-up, and time management?

Or do people dread sending you an e-mail, because they know there’s a slim chance that they’ll ever hear back?

Is your desk a black hole, where papers and requests go in, but never come out?

Does it take you thirty minutes to find something that you would expect someone else to find in thirty seconds?

The bottom line is that to be an effective leader and coworker, you need to be a good role model that others will choose to emulate. Your employees and coworkers might pay attention to what you say, but they’ll ALWAYS pay attention to what you do. You’re a role model—good or bad—through your image.

Take a personal inventory of how others see you in the workplace. Your goal is to identify—and correct—your own personal productivity demons. Need help getting started? Begin by asking yourself these questions:

Are you the bottleneck?

The only thing worse than the person at the office who seems to do nothing is the person who tries to do everything.

Say it with me folks, “I can’t do it all.”

The sooner you come to terms with that troublesome fact, the better off you’ll be. In pursuit of being the undisputed office superstar, you may in fact be buried. The more you try to do everything, the less able you are to do anything.

Sure, the business world can be demanding, but nine times out of ten, helplessly buried office workers put themselves in the overworked situation they’re in. As a leader (and as a human being) you need to understand how to prioritize, which means understanding how to say “no.”

If you constantly accept additional responsibilities, without being able to keep up with what you’ve already committed, you will eventually be unable to devote proper attention to any one of your many duties.

If you think that being overextended and perpetually frazzled sounds bad, imagine reporting to someone in that situation. Being spread too thin generally leads to missed deadlines, poor response times, and a constant source of unnecessary stress.

Do your subordinates, coworkers—and yourself—a favor. Keep your priorities focused and your schedule realistic. You need to be able to work as hard for your people as they do for you.

If it takes you days to respond to a voicemail or weeks to review a proposal, you aren’t setting others up for success. Don’t be the bottleneck!

Do you micromanage?

You have a staff at your disposal…so why are you still doing everything yourself? The best thing you can do as a manager is to put people in place whom you can trust—and then trust them.

Always remember, however, that your way isn’t the only way and that sometimes “good enough” is, well, good enough. Does that mean that you keep slack standards and let people get away with sub-par work? Of course not! It just means that you pick your battles and allow your team to do their jobs without having to constantly worry about your “helpful” interventions.

There will always be some things that absolutely need to be done a certain way and kept to a certain standard. These are the tasks and priorities that you should keep a close watch on to ensure that they are completed properly.

But what about the others? Just ask yourself what would happen if a given task was completed adequately, instead of perfectly. Or if a project was done correctly, although perhaps not in exactly the same way you would go about it if you were to do it yourself. Most of the time, you’ll find that it really isn’t that big a deal. In these cases, it is important to step back, let go, and focus your energies on more important initiatives.

Is your schedule realistic?

Take a look at your schedule for this week. Are you booked solid, running from one meeting to the next all day every day?

If you’re overbooked, not only will you leave yourself no time to accomplish important, high-priority tasks, you’ll also make yourself unavailable to your team. It doesn’t do any good if a project is completed on deadline if it takes three days for you to have a moment to take a look at it.

Besides, what does it say about the value of your time if you are booking yourself silly day in and day out? By accepting every invitation you receive, you are letting others control you time and determine your priorities. That isn’t what leadership is about!

Don’t attend any meeting where the organizer can’t clearly articulate the objective. And make sure that when you do attend a meeting, others understand why you are there and know what they can expect in terms of your involvement. If you regularly find yourself in meetings “just in case” you’re needed, you aren’t placing much of a premium on your time.

What are your other productivity demons?

Everyone has their downfalls, and the ones discussed above are just a starting point. Take a good, hard look at yourself and come up with a fair assessment of the impression you give others at the office. This is no time to tell little white lies or shy away from the truth. The only way to fix the problem is to tackle the issue head on.

Whatever your demons are—too much socializing, excessive email surfing, time management problems, over scheduling your time, responding slowly to e-mail, dealing with personal issues on work hours, or procrastination—identify them and then work to put them to rest.

That’s the beauty of it. You really can fix many of these problems right away. If you’re honest with yourself, you know the right things to do. You just need to listen to that nagging voice in the back of your mind and make it happen.

-- Visit Laura's site/blog, The Productivity Pro.

Do Your Really Love Your Job?

The search for the perfect job is a difficult and complex journey littered with variable life occurrences and expectations. It is not an uncommon thought to be excited one minute and downtrodden the next over your current or future position. From my discussions with employed professionals of all ages, it is a shared view that sometimes they "just aren't sure" whether or not they love their job. Most of the time I hear, “I love the people at my job..." or “I love parts of my job..." but it seems a special rarity these days for people to say "I really really love what I do," especially young women.

Well, if you are feeling “just not sure" about your career, you are not alone. In a study of career longitude and labor market activity, the US Department of Labor found that persons born in the baby boom generation held an average of 10.8 jobs from the age 18 to 42. What is even more significant is that two thirds (7.2) of these jobs were held during the ages 18 to 24. A similar study is currently in process to analyze career longitude for persons born between 1980-84.

Changing jobs is a right of passage that can help a young person grow toward a career path of real opportunity and professional development. But sometimes, understanding that your current role doesn't have that opportunity can be difficult due to factors like friends, fear, and money. Don't get me wrong, I think putting your time into a place that you are not sure about has its benefits as well. I have learned a lot from places that were not right from me, but took the time I needed to learn and recognize that, and then happily moved on. Sometimes that "unsure" feeling is really a self-editing tool that we (women especially, I think) default to when we aren't sure we measure up. That's a whole other issue that we won't get into, and it relates back to giving it your best and believing in yourself - things that are sometimes easier said then done, but that we always strive for. To put this into a simple perspective, you always need to look out for yourself in life, love and work. We know this; and even if it sounds selfish - it's not. If you really loved your job, isn't it safe to say you would perform better, be in a better mood and contribute to the longevity of your firm with enthusiasm and passion? I think so.

Lastly, isn't your perfect job really about you getting what is best for you?

Here are some quick Job Audit steps that will help you determine whether or not its time to leave or stick it out:

1. You can't get up in the morning, struggle to make it in on time and can't wait for a lunch break.

A relatively intuitive sign that something is amiss.

Take a cue from your inner self here and ask why you can't get up in the morning or struggle to make it in on time? If it's because you had too many glasses of wine at the industry event, that's one thing. But if it’s because you can't stand the thought of a uninspiring work day it might be another. Take some time to meditate on your feelings towards your boss, the work you are doing and the environment. After you clear away the superficial things like they never have wheat bagels and the sound of your boss's accent, you'll start feeling the reality of your situation: Do I feel challenged? Do I feel satisfied when I accomplish a project? Do I feel happy when I am given a new project?

If you can't answer those questions with solid, prosperity filled answers, it might be time to rethink this particular role.

2. You don't receive helpful feedback from your leadership team, and are treated as a service provider not a strategic partner.

This is a big issue that I hear a lot of, “They don’t listen to me, and I’m never included in the decision making process which would help me do my job better.” The first question to ask your self is, “am I making myself heard?” And I don’t mean just sending out a short email and waiting around for a reply. I mean sending the email, talking openly and simply to your manager about wanting to know more, and asking questions about strategic objectives that could be relevant to your project.

Those in management don't see your capabilities - but are you making yourself heard? If you are making yourself heard, engage in a polite and meaningful way and those in management still treat you as someone to be tasked rather than engaged, take a second look at the role.

3. The culture makes your cringe.

There are a variety of cultures in organizations, and according to the Goffee-Jones model of cultural organization most companies fall into 1 of 4 quadrants: Communal, Networked, Fragmented or Mercenary; which is informed by their levels of solidarity and sociability. All of these cultures have various degrees of pros and cons, and I won't discuss them in too much detail here. But here is an example about culture to think about:

If you have an attitude that teaming and collaborative participation is important to effective decision making, but the culture dictates that only senior level managers be involved in decision making meetings, there might a cultural disconnect to how you work and the company is organized.

4. Your Boss and you just don't see eye-to-eye.

Sometimes a healthy difference in opinion is a career provoker; it can help you see the other side of an issue and deepens your perspective. This is only helpful however if there is truly a "give and take." That is, you and your boss may not see eye-to-eye but you find a way to come together and solutions are based on the best one at the time, not seniority or ego. If this is not the case and it's always a one-sided solution with limited contribution from you, then it seems you may not be getting the opportunity you need.

Its not just your Job...

Remember, sometimes feeling a funk in the work-life is subject to what’s going on in your personal world as well. Don’t discount the happiness you feel in your friendships, activities and social life from the work spectrum. Everything is connected – they don’t call it a work-life-love balance for nothing. If after these steps you feel like something is still not adding up, take some time to reevaluate how all those parts and pieces work together. It might just be that you need to reorganize your closet, find an outlet like running or yoga, or do lunch with your best friend more often. Allow yourself to be aware of how you feel in the environment and take stock of your level of opportunity in a thoughtful way. It will always open up doors to career happiness and personal / professional development.

A summer (job) to remember

While out at a baseball game last week, my older brother and his friend got into a heated conversation about golf. After much discussion they turned to my younger brother, Lee—a senior in college—to gauge his opinion.

“Do you golf?” my brother asked.

“No,” he answered, shrugging. “Do you?”

“No,” he said. “But you should learn now. In the business world, it’s not just a sport but a skill. I wish I knew how to play.”

I listened to this conversation and smiled. I can’t play golf well, but I know enough to be able to hit a few over the fairway, and I could putt if I had to. I’ve never had to put my skills into action, but I’m certain that even if I missed the ball completely, I wouldn’t feel out of place on a course. This is because the summer before my senior year of college I had the best part-time job a girl could ask for. I was a beverage cart girl on a golf course in my hometown.

I got the job through a friend who’d been doing it for years. When she first suggested it, I remember looking at her skeptically. In our short college lives, Jess and I had started down very different career paths. She’d been gathering tips as a waitress since she could hold a tray. I’d worked in the campus tutoring center. She was a PR major who could talk her way into any party on campus. I was an English major who had already lined up a summer internship with the university’s research magazine. But when she looked at me with her convincing green eyes and said, “Trust me. Best summer job ever,” there was no way I could refuse.

During the interview, I talked with one of the managers, Jan, the most confident guy with a good tan I’d ever met. Like any service job, I’m sure that part of the interview was to ensure that I was personable, could hold a conversation, and talk to people—like I’d be expected to do on the golf course daily. The other part was no doubt to check out how I’d look in the uniform.

But what began with a skeptical glance and an ugly seersucker skort ensemble turned out to be an enlightening experience. In addition to learning how to maneuver a golf cart with two huge coolers of beer on board, the beverage cart job forced me out of my comfort zone and into the social world of business. Each day I was confronted with “clients” who wanted a cold beer, a water, or just a friendly wave from the beverage cart girl. These golfers were almost always older, business professionals, for whom talking to people was more than easy. It was their job. For a shy girl who’d never dreamed of serving plastic Budweiser bottles to a Who’s Who of businessmen and women in her hometown, the job gave me confidence and even a little bit of attitude—which I realized isn’t always a bad thing. I quickly learned that there’s no one more powerful than the woman with the beer cooler.

So as the summer passed, I began to appreciate my job as more than just an hourly wage. There were many moments when I loved the course, the out-going golfers, and the opportunities that the sport offered on a hot summer day. There were also many days that I couldn’t stand to hear another flirty remark, smell Nip Cheese crackers, or watch on in horror as a golf ball smashed into the windshield of my cart. The end of each day signaled another round of happy golfers, a darker tan, and a wad of cash tips going home in my pocket. I even gained a few free lessons after hours.

But more than the cash and the tan that job was my first foray into what the grown-up business world can be like at times. It's not all sitting in offices and around intimidating board tables, always in a pressed suit--like we're led to believe as children. Sometimes it’s just a few people, on the golf course, having some beers. And holding your own in that situation (or at least being able to laugh at yourself) can be equally as important.

Top 5 Things You Should Never Discuss at Work

SSHHH.......I am a very lucky individual, meaning that I am fortunate enough to have one of those jobs that I actually enjoy, even look forward too.

I know how rare that can be for young people so I do not say this lightly. When I was hired I can honestly say I was thrilled and looked forward to a long career with the agency. Since that time, I have had some of my idealism dampened but I continue to look forward to the everyday anticipating what I will learn while coming to the realization that this job may not be my final resting point.

I have however learned a few things on the job these last seven months that will no doubt continue to help me navigate my way through the world of PR for years to come, whether or not this job becomes a long term career or not. I share these things with you in the hopes that you will perhaps have a slightly smoother path than the one I took through the world of government public affairs.

There are some things you should NEVER talk about at work. There are just some topics that no matter how well intentioned you may be or how close you think you may be to a co-worker, you will lose in the end, and sometimes it can even mean your job. This isn't rocket science and by no means NEW, but some people need the refresher.

1. Religion – This should be a no-brainer for most. There is just too much volatility and too many people who will not think twice about arguing ‘till they are blue in the face to convince you just how wrong you are.

2. Politics – some people can’t even live in the same household and discuss politics, so it makes sense that this should be off limits at work.

3. Personal Finances – Do you really want people to know just how broke you truly are? In my opinion whether you are wearing designer shoes or scrounging to buy a soda, the only one who needs to know what is in your wallet or bank account is you.

4. Sex Life – I don’t care how hot you think you are, nobody in the office wants to hear about your escapades between the sheets, whether it be your husband or wife or whoever. There is nothing worse than becoming the office slut or player. You might think you are cool, but I guarantee people are either laughing or disgusted whether they say anything to your face or not. Bragging about your after hours excursions will not gain you any points with the boss or anyone else that actually matters so do yourself a favor and keep mum while within the confines of the daily grind we call work.

5. Personal Medical Maladies – Yes you may have legitimate issues you need to make your supervisor aware of but that is not the kind of thing I am referring to here. I am talking about the things such as ulcers and migraines and chronic fatigue that may make the powers that be a tad bit nervous about your ability to do your job. Unless your issue seriously compromises your work flow, keep it to yourself.

Are there other taboo topics in the work place? There are certainly many things you don't learn in college, but after nearly a year in the work force are there other things we should just know by now? Of course, but these are the main ones I have discovered since stepping into the crazy working "real world" of PR. Have a thought or want to add one to the list...post a comment.

Can Blogging Affect Your Job? What Employees Need to Know

Former Senator John Edwards faced a problem while running his presidential campaign that many businesses of all sizes can expect to face in the future. After Mr. Edwards hired two employees for his presidential campaign staff, Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan, he later discovered that they were both well-known bloggers who had frequently expressed views diametrically opposed to the opinions he has publicized as a part of his campaign for presidency. Mr. Edwards was confronted with two options: fire or retain the bloggers. His solution: keep Ms. Marcotte and Ms. McEwan on his staff, but distance himself from the views espoused on their blogs.

This might have been an appropriate response by a candidate seeking voter approval. But, would other companies have been so lenient? Would an employee be able to sue for retaliation if he were fired in connection with a comment he posted on a personal blog from home complaining about harassment at the company or sending a union organizing notice? Would an employer be within its rights to fire an employee for bragging that he was having an affair with a direct report on his personal blog? There are no easy answers to these questions. Solutions can only be suggested based on a case-by-case analysis. The issues these questions raise, however, highlight that employee blogging is at the forefront of tough issues that both employees and employers must navigate together.

Not all speech is protected.

A brief perusal of postings on various blogs reveals that people feel free to say whatever they want on blogs, and in some instances, without giving much thought to the fact that information on blogs is published immediately to a potentially infinite audience, including their employers. Or, maybe many bloggers realize that their employers may discover their blogs and feel protected by the concept that this is a free country where individuals have a right to freedom of speech.

Generally, an employee cannot be fired for engaging in legally protected activities. For example, an employee complaining of discrimination by a colleague or supervisor on her personal blog would most likely be protected from any adverse employment action in response to the complaint by federal, state and local anti-discrimination statute. Similarly, an employee opinion on a blog that the pharmaceutical company she works for had destroyed research suggesting that one of its drugs could be fatal might be protected from retaliation under a whistleblower statute. Finally, an employee blog post related to the benefits of unionizing a work force would most likely be considered protected activity under the National Labor Relations Act.

However, this is not to suggest that employees are entitled to unlimited protection for all statements made on blogs. Although this is an emerging area of law with little guidance from case law, it is likely that an employee who blogs or posts a comment encouraging customers of his employer to move their business to a competitor could be legally fired for breach of fiduciary duty, whether or not the employee had posted the statement from home or work. Also, an employee cannot harass, discriminate or intimidate a fellow co-worker via a blog. If something is illegal to communicate in the office, it is also illegal to write it in a blog.

Does your employer have a blogging policy?

Like policies regulating employee e-mail, instant messaging and Internet usage, a few companies are beginning to develop policies and procedures for dealing with employee blogging activities, both personal and business-related. As employee blogging becomes more pervasive, many companies will likely implement new policies.

Companies are permitted to regulate business-related messages, including comments that are damaging to their reputation, that are being disseminated by their employees on blogs, both during work hours and outside of work. Additionally, companies must also react to any harassing messages employees post on blogs. Finally, companies can regulate and monitor employees’ use of company telecommunications networks and equipment – including when company equipment is used to maintain personal blogs.

Employees should find out if their company has a blogging policy to determine if they are permitted to blog during working hours or using company equipment. In an abundance of caution, employees may want to limit personal blogging to after work hours using a personal home computer.

Can Blogging Hurt Your Chances of Being Hired?

Perhaps Mr. Edwards might have avoided much unwanted media attention had he discovered Ms. Marcotte’s and Ms. McEwan’s blogging activities before offering them employment. On the other hand, had Mr. Edwards known about their blogs, would he have been within his rights to fail to offer them employment? As with many legal questions, the answer depends on the specific circumstances.

Along with creating new blogging policies, some companies are developing procedures for confronting the issue of employee blogging head-on during the interview process. Most information on the Internet is publicly available and companies do not need authorization to research employee blogs; however, employers may begin to include a question about blogging activities on applications. Such a question provides a good opportunity to proactively discuss any blogging activities an employee participates in. Also, when commenting on blogs or posting to your own blog, it is important to remember that while your current employer may not have an issue with it, you never know what type of job you may be seeking later on in life.

Conclusion

While most employee blogging is not a problem for employers, it is important to remember that employees do not have unlimited free speech rights when it comes to blogging. Accordingly, employees should keep the following in mind when blogging:

*Employees should not disclose confidential or proprietary information or company intellectual property on a blog;
*Employees should be mindful of the fiduciary duty they owe to their company when blogging;
*Most employers restrict use of company computers for business-related purposes only and Internet usage of company network and computers can be monitored; and
*Employees should never use obscene, discriminatory or harassing language in communications from the company’s network or equipment.

However, employees have the same free speech rights when it comes to blogging as they do in other aspects of their lives, including the right to religious and political speech. Most importantly, employers cannot retaliate against an employee for exercising his or her free speech rights. Using common sense and being mindful that the Internet captures an instant and diverse audience will help all employees navigate the potential pitfalls of blogging.

--

Adapted from an article published in The New York Law Journal. Reprinted with permission from the April 9, 2007 edition of the New York Law Journal. © 2007 ALM Properties, Inc. All rights reserved. Further duplication without permission is prohibited.

Writers Block

It's been such a long time since I've posted on this forum. Partly because I've been busy finishing up school work and taking care of my family, but mostly because I started to feel lost in the sea of success and insightfulness that everyone else seems to have brought to the table.

I mean what is it that I can offer you that you don't already know? I've been trying to come up with the best answer for that question, but I'm still drawing a blank. Can't I just tell you how my day has gone or maybe tell you how awesome I think my sociology class is and just leave it up to you smart women to figure out the hidden message in it (because, seriously, there's one somewhere)?

In being honest and upfront about this, I have to tell you that I don't read that many articles concerning women in the workplace so my thoughts and opinions aren't in depth or extremely well thought out as some that I've read here and do you really want to read a post by someone that overuses the comma (we're thisclose - the comma and I) and has somewhat poor grammar? Just checking.

I'm doubting my abilities because I'm comparing myself to the rest of you while keeping in mind that we are all completely different individuals. It's something I've done my whole life and was hoping that at some point after puberty I would stop and just enjoy the gifts that I possess and not worry so much about what other people are doing. I'm still learning that lesson.

Window Shopping Inspiration

With the bombardment of headlines forecasting doom and despair in the economic sector, it’s hard for a freelancer and small business owner to keep her head up and stay positive. But recently I found inspiration in the most unexpected of places: a little online shopping destination called Etsy.

You may be familiar with the site. I, however, was not until my recent stint as a casting director for Project Runway Season 6. My job was to scour the internet for talented, unknown designers when I stumbled upon the world of Etsy—a marketplace for thousands upon thousands of artisans to sell their wares. We’re talking stay-at-home moms fashioning jewelry, college students crafting unique handbags, and 9-5ers churning out reams of cute stationary (my personal weakness). Besides the fact that I now have a mile-long birthday wish list, not to mention an arsenal of designers to throw in the mix for Project Runway, the unexpected take-away was the inspiration and encouragement of seeing these fabulous women (and a few men) putting their talents and passions out there with lots of texture and flair.

I get excited when I see people taking a risk to do something they love—whether it’s starting a new t-shirt line or standing up for social injustice. Watching others take their passions to the next level inspires me to do the same with my own.

The other week I found myself in a conversation-turned-monologue (on my part) about increasing access to college for low-income students—a subject that has been the catalyst for many of my career endeavors to date. While I was catching my breath after a long ramble, my friend asked me, “Why do you care so much?”

The question caught me off guard for a moment—it had been a long time since I’d thought about why it was important, I just knew that it was. But her question brought me back to the time in my life when I first realized that I wanted to make a difference in education. I was working in the admissions office at my alma mater, Columbia University, and as I traveled around the country recruiting students it became apparent that the majority of the schools I was visiting all had something in common: they were filled with students for whom going to college was a given.

And that’s when I decided that I wanted to reach a different audience: the ones who didn’t think college was a possibility and needed some extra help to get there. It was important to me because I knew how to help those students. And if I didn’t try to do something with that knowledge, I thought I would be missing out on an awesome opportunity to make a difference.

So what does the handmade goods site Etsy have to do with all this (besides being an awesome new shopping discover)? Well, as someone who has turned down a lot of stable jobs to carve a still yet-undefined career path, it is encouraging to find an abundance of independent artisans who have cultivated their talents into tangible business ventures. For many it may not be their only source of income, but the inspiration is in the fact that their ideas have taken root and they’ve seized the opportunity to share them with others.

Shopping was never so inspiring!

To browse Jaye’s latest business ventures visit her website and the First Generation blog.

Believe It - Claiming Your Dreams

Despite the fact that I was in my mid-twenties by the time I started writing regularly, and despite the fact that I was almost thirty by the time I had my first official writing job, I think I’ve always known I wanted to be a writer. I loved writing anything and everything. And I loved reading—always thinking about how the story was formed, what the writer was imagining as she created a new world or learning as she reported on a recent event.

Unfortunately, despite my interest and aptitude for writing, I never believed that I was cut out to be a writer. When I started writing regularly, even publishing a few pieces in non-paying publications, I still rarely called myself a writer. I was a behavior therapist, a special education coordinator, a student, but never a writer. Eventually, I was hired to write professionally, but I continued to hesitate every time someone asked me, “What do you do?”

Over the last year or so, something has changed. During a recent walk in the park I met a woman that lives in my neighborhood and we walked together for several minutes, talking along the way. Only after the conversation was long over and I was home by myself did I realize that when she asked the Big Question, I answered, “I’m a writer.” There was no hesitation, no qualification, no embarrassment whatsoever. A simple answer: I am a writer. When, I wondered, had I begun to believe those words so completely?

Though I can’t prove it scientifically, I’d bet that the moment I began claiming that title as my own, the moment I began believing in my dream of becoming a full-time freelance writer and a novelist, was the moment I started seeing those dreams come true. When I recognized myself as a writer, I started looking for opportunities to write, and those opportunities always showed themselves. I’m not a full-time freelancer yet, and I’m still working on that manuscript, but I’m well on my way. That moment of bold proclamation in the park was just another step along the path I can now clearly see for myself. As soon as I started believing I was a writer, I became a writer. Even before I got my first freelance paycheck.

What is it that you’re hesitating to believe for yourself? What goals are you striving for? Whatever it is you want to be or do, start talking about it like it is already yours and see what a difference that belief makes in your ability get there. Try that new title on for size. Practice giving that acceptance speech. Take that freelance job. Believe in your dreams and begin to live them—even if it’s just in your imagination for now—and watch where they take you. The adventure is just beginning.

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Visit Ami's personal blog or her professional website to learn more about her. You can also check out her new writing blog, Write Out Loud, a place for writers looking to free the stories inside them.

Left Behind in a Layoff: Getting Ready for What's Next

The pink slips have been handed out, the severance checks cashed, and the farewell drinks consumed. Everyone has offered their condolences to those who were let go, yet you’re still here, reeling in your cubicle, wondering if maybe you’re the one who really deserves the well wishes, sympathetic words, and free rounds of strong drinks.

As a four-time layoff survivor (and two-time victim), I’ve experienced all the panic, depression, fear, and anxiety that comes with staying on the job when others have been let go. There are some things you can do to ease the stress; they’re fairly common sense courses of action, but when you’re in the grips of anxiety and worried that your next paycheck may be your last, sometimes it’s hard to think clearly. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned after surviving a few layoffs, it’s that more are usually not far behind, and being ready when the next ax falls is crucial—just in case.

1. Get Up-to-Date on Your Doctor Appointments?. You can elect to continue your healthcare coverage through COBRA, but the sticker shock of COBRA prices alone may kill you long before any health-related issue. Thanks to COBRA’s high cost, many people opt to go with an emergency-only plan when they’re unemployed, which depending on the plan, means that procedures like teeth cleaning and mole removal may be out. Scheduling your annual doctor visits, updating prescriptions, and getting lab work done while you’re still covered gives you roughly a year before you have to make all the rounds again—hopefully plenty of time to find a new job and new healthcare coverage.

If you’re certain that unemployment is looming around the corner, it may be a smart time to drain your flexible spending account. Most plans allow you to use the money for things like contact lenses, braces, and over-the-counter medicines, which includes cold and allergy medicines and aspirin (which you’ll undoubtedly need after a layoff for either stress-related headaches or layoff party hangovers). Take advantage while you can—if you don’t use it, you lose it, and that might cause a queasiness that no flex plan medicine can cure.

2. Retrieve Personal Files and Contacts from Your Work Computer. ?Layoffs or no layoffs, it never hurts to do a periodic backup of all the unfinished screenplays, random party pics, Shins downloads, tax papers, and other documents that have found their way onto your work hard drive. If you’re fortunate enough to work for a company who will give you limited access to your computer and some time to collect your things after the unsavory notice of your forced termination, good for you. But the time allotted to you may be rushed, or simply not enough to get everything you need. Many employers don’t give employees the luxury of access back onto your computer, and relying on someone else to retrieve your documents once you’re gone can prove challenging. Email yourself important files, burn them onto CD, and make sure to get all your professional and personal contacts out of your work email. It’s also smart to periodically clear your cache—just to avoid the embarrassment of having managers and colleagues learn about your dailypuppy.com or Perez Hilton addiction.

3. Create a Layoff-Ready Budget?. There’s nothing like the pending doom of potential unemployment to help you reevaluate your savings plan. Now’s the time to batten down the hatches on your spending to ready yourself for any cutbacks you’ll need to make in the event of another round of company cuts. Take some time to write down every single expense you incur in a given month, being completely honest with yourself about how much you spend. Once it’s all on paper, you’ll probably find some easy places you could spend less money, like bringing your lunch to work a few days a week instead of eating out, or opting for a movie on Friday nights instead of the happy hour that turns into five delirious hours of overpriced drinks and appetizers.

This is also an ideal time to pay a visit to your financial advisor if you have one, and to potentially get an advisor (if you can afford it) if you don’t have one. He or she can help you assess your current financial strategy and whether or not you should make any changes, and can also help put together a plan for accessing more money should a layoff occur.

4. Update Your Resume and Start Networking. A previous manager once told me that she always updated her resume within the first week of starting a new job. Her rule—always be ready for anything. Most of us aren’t that industrious, though, so if you haven’t updated your resume with your latest position—or if you haven’t revisited your resume in a while—now is clearly the time to do it. Once you’re done, give it a test run and send it to friends, family, and perhaps a few trusted business contacts to see if they get a good sense of what you do, what you’re looking for, and what you’ve achieved after reading it.
Now is also a good time to start networking like crazy. Beef up your LinkedIn profile; change your contact settings to include “career opportunities” and “getting back in touch” as things you’re interested in, and perhaps ask a manager or colleague to write a recommendation for you. Make it a goal to reach out to a certain number of friends, old coworkers, managers, clients, or other business associates each day. Perhaps contact some recruiters and begin perusing job postings online. You ultimately may not want or need to find another job, but it never hurts to get the momentum swinging in your favor sooner rather than later in the event that you do.

5. Be Good to Yourself. ?The phrase “survival guilt” is often associated with traumatic events like airplane crashes, earthquakes, and twenty-car pileups. But believe it or not, survival guilt is a very real phenomenon for those who remain after a layoff, and the range of emotions people experience isn’t that different from other traumatic events. Remaining employees often feel guilty for not being laid off, sadness for the coworkers and friends they’ll miss, and sometimes even anger for the increased workload they may experience now that their team has been reduced.

Maintaining a healthy work-life balance is one of the best ways to cope with survivor guilt, which sounds counterintuitive to logic given that most people feel compelled to increase their work hours in an effort to secure their jobs in the event of another cut. But arriving and leaving at a decent hour each day allows more time to enjoy the things that really nourish our souls and ultimately help us perform at a higher level and make us better, more productive employees—dinner with family or friends, an invigorating workout, going to a concert, pursuing a hobby or taking a class, or just relaxing with a book and a glass of wine.
Besides, working until midnight every night will eventually cause burnout, and ultimately doesn’t guarantee that you won’t be part of a layoff anyway since most cutbacks are about decreasing expenditure, not about performance. As the Donald says, “It’s not personal, it’s business.” You can bet your last dollar from your last paycheck that your employer will exercise that logic when adding names to the layoff list, so you should keep it in mind too.

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Provided by Rebecca Brown for DivineCaroline.com, a website where career-savvy women like you can read and contribute stories, reviews, and forums. Please visit our vibrant community soon.

Why Women Attack: The Affirmation Effect

I can’t take it anymore. If I see another angry, hateful, or myopic tirade about why some other woman’s decision about [insert personal life choice here] is better, I am going to permanently retreat into a little, teeny-tiny hole that bars all except my children, husband, and select friends from entrance. I am exhausted by the Mommy Wars, the Chick Fights, the Cult of Perfection… the incivility of everyone’s righteousness. What is going on? And make it stop, please.

In economics, researchers have discovered the “endowment effect” – once you own something, you place a higher value on it than you did when you acquired it. What I see in today’s dialogue about life choices is the “affirmation effect.” Women (though by no means is this gender specific) tend to value our decisions more after we’ve made them. When we’re in the midst of decision making, the world appears in shades of gray. We investigate options and pursue alternatives that work for our life. After we’ve made our choice, the world flips to black and white, where anyone who didn’t make the choice we made is wrong. We affirm our choices to make ourselves feel that we’ve made the right decision, even if this means belittling, judging, or attacking other women’s choices.

In my experience, this “affirmation effect” is most pronounced with mothers. We desperately need to affirm our choices, to feel that we made the right choice for our kids. Partially because so much is at stake – raising children well is an incredible undertaking, and we see what’s at stake every morning at the breakfast table. And partially because motherhood is complex – there is rarely one right answer (it’s like multi-variable calculus!) and the evidence of success is often many years in the making. That’s why we solicit ideas from other mothers at the playground and intensely observe other women’s decisions. Being insecure about our parenting choices is natural and often healthy, but permitting that insecurity to fuel attacks on women who make different decisions is unenlightened, destructive, and downright juvenile.

For instance, I just had my second child. I nursed but I couldn’t produce enough milk to sustain him. (Yes, I tried everything short of prescription medication.) I went online to investigate my options. What I encountered was website after website with women yelling at each other about their breastfeeding choices. I don’t doubt there are benefits to breastfeeding, but my choice about whether and how to breastfeed doesn’t take place in a vacuum and it isn’t the defining decision of my motherhood. I love my kids and make the healthiest choice I can within the context of my family’s very real and reasonable constraints. Making thoughtful decisions specific to my family is the best kind of parenting. Even if other mothers might make a different decision.

The same goes for my decision to be a working mother. One of my dearest friends pronounced that she thought any mother with young kids who worked was selfish. The aggressiveness and narrowness of her words confused me, particularly since she’s not alone in her view that working motherhood is a sin. Staying home is clearly the right decision for many mothers but my situation and preferences are different. I spent years getting advanced degrees and making my way in the private sector, and I thrive on that kind of intellectual stimulation and professional challenge. It is who I am, part of my husband’s attraction to me, and a value we wish to impart on our daughter and son. Were my kids not happy, healthy, and well-balanced, I’d reevaluate. But as it stands I’m a better mommy because I work and that makes everyone better off in my family. I recognize not all families work this way.

The affirmation effect is also at play in the professional space. Women have different styles of conducting themselves – from highlighting their ‘feminine’ sides to overstating their ‘masculine’ attributes (see the endless debates on Hillary Clinton, Martha Stewart, Carly Fiorina, Zoe Cruz, to name a few). And women have different desires about the nature, slope, and timing of their career trajectories. Some take off fast and furious in their 20s, while other women stabilize different areas of their lives first. Demanding that women conduct themselves in just one, certain manner is out-dated and defeats the purpose. To each her own.

I’m not saying that everything’s relative; I find that an intellectually weak and morally toxic answer. There are wrong choices: when it comes to child rearing, big ones like abuse and neglect, and little ones like putting Coca Cola in a one-year-old’s sippy cup or failing to provide any behavioral boundaries for your toddler or teenager. But decisions about how to advance your career and whether to have children, be a working mother, put your kids in daycare, or any other of the litany of life's choices aren’t really black and white. What works for one woman may not work for another. And attacking each other (even if only in rhetoric) for reasonable but different choices is polluting our work spaces, our community, and our families.

Going forward, my motto at the playground and office is: Keep your affirmation effect in check. Please, please take your insecurity elsewhere, because it serves no purpose in my life. I’m doing the best I can, for me and my family. And I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, too.

Does Wanting It All Make Me a Bad Mom and Wife?

A reader sent me this question: "I have a cherished baby and a husband who is willing to support me. Women in my new mothers group pressure me to abandon my established small business any time I complain about exhaustion. They say I’m selling myself and my family short trying to do it all, but I love my work. –Torn"

My answer?

Around the end of the third postpartum month, most women start feeling like themselves again; many describe it as a sensation of resurfacing after feeling as if they’d been underwater. Don’t panic; don’t make impulsive decisions. As you ease into the transition to motherhood, be gentle with yourself and trust what you want, not what others pressure you to do or to think.

Unapologetically following your career dreams is the surest way to be the happiest individual, the best mother, partner, and community member. Staying true to your ambition allows you to live your best life. But society holds a double standard: ambitious men are go-getters; ambitious women are the b-word. I’ve worked with thousands of woman and each possesses the same fear: if she goes wholeheartedly after her dream, she'll be seen—or she'll regard herself—as selfish, bitchy, a bad wife, or a bad mother. It's exactly this fear of ambition that has forced women to leave our dreams and our great talents by the roadside, rendering us half of what we should be in every area of life. If we buy into the message that we should put our ambitious dreams at the bottom of our priorities pile, to be nurtured only after everyone else's needs have been attended to, our turn never comes. Our joie de vivre dries up.

Find a new, supportive mothers’ group that espouses this message: You can and should honor your ambition in the face of social sanctions—without guilt and without sacrificing the rest of your life. Give yourself permission to make the choices you deem appropriate, without second-guessing yourself. Check in with yourself daily, tuning in to what you want. Trust your own timetable, listen to your body and heart, to your baby, and partner with your husband to keep yourself in the game while taking care of your and your family’s needs.

You deserve to love your work, to be as ambitious as you wish, to earn your worth, and to find personal and professional fulfillment.

Giving a Great Speech

I’m one of those people lucky enough to be comfortable speaking in public. I always have been, so I don’t have any useful tips on how to overcome that fear. I can tell you this much - there is nothing quite like the joy of giving a great speech. I don't manage to be great every time, but I have started to figure out what makes a speech great.

Five way to be a great public speaker:

1. Don’t use notes. Notes are for wimps. Take the time to memorize your major points, and then fill in as you go. You'll be a hundred times more engaging. If you do have to use notes, put them on note cards or paper. Never ever read from an open laptop.

2. Take your content seriously. Don’t rush through it, or imply it’s boring. If the topic has been assigned to you and you have no choice, go over your material until you can find the interesting parts of it. Everything is interesting if you look at it right. Find the interesting angle, and share it.

3. Move around. Don’t hide behind a podium or sit behind a desk. Stand up in front of the group, and then move around as you talk. If you can, ask your audience questions and pick people to answer them.

4. Don’t use a Powerpoint presentation. Powerpoint is the devil and it leads to shoddy thinking. Presenting without Powerpoint is unfortunately unusual now, so make sure there is no blank screen behind or next to you drawing everyone’s eyes.

5. This last one is situational, and therefore a little tricky. If you’re giving a public talk, with media coverage, avoid using large hand gestures. It’s very easy for a photographer to get a picture of you doing something ridiculous-looking as you gesture. If there are no photographers, or if they are friendly, use a lot of motion as you speak, to giveyour audience something dynamic to focus on.

6 Steps to Becoming a Better Manager

Typically, no one is trained to be a manager. We all have to learn how to manage people on the fly, after we are promoted into a management position. It is helpful, when learning to be a good supervisor, to keep in mind the things that past supervisors have done that you liked and those that you have not liked. You can use these experiences to guide your decisions. Here are six steps to follow to make sure that you become a leader that others will remember in a positive light.

1. Tame yourself – You have to begin by understanding your personality and taming it. If you are too quiet, you will need to work on becoming more outgoing and decisive. If you are too decisive, to the point where you scare people, you will need to work on toning yourself down. You want to become a thoughtful, considerate leader who knows where they are going.

2. Have a goal – If you don’t know where you are going, you will never arrive, and no one will be able to follow you. Your goal can be as simple as “providing every customer with the best service” or “no injuries, no deaths on the job” or “make a profit.”

3. Have a “clear, simple message” – You must be able to convey your goal in a sound bite. People can understand and retain clear, simple messages. You have to be able to repeat the message at meetings, in newsletters and in general conversations. If your people know the message, they will be able to follow.

4. Look and act like a leader – People have a much easier time following someone who looks as they should. Your clothes should be clean and pressed. Your shoes should be polished. You should walk with confidence.

5. Be trustworthy – People won’t follow you if they don’t trust you. You must be ethical and honest at all times. People trust people who are clear about what they are doing. People don’t trust people who say one thing at a meeting, and then say or do something different outside of the meeting.

6. Care about your people – You can’t supervise people if you don’t like them. You shouldn’t become best friends with your staff, but you should know them and know what their problems are. Because you care, you should attend their weddings, and the funerals of their close family members. Because you are their leader, you should not attend more personal functions, such as their birthday parties. You need to keep yourself concerned with your staff, but not intimately involved with them. If you are really not a “people person,” consider another, non-managerial position in your organization.

Is it your project? Make sure you own the pen.

I recently had a coaching session with a woman who is the owner of a very high profile project. The project has been plagued with delays and issues and on some days she gets more help then she could ever possibly use. In fact, it seems dificult to sort through all the voices. I shared the story of the pen with her. I thought I'd share it with you as well.

"The rule of the pen: The one who owns the pen owns the meeting." – Ancient adage

The most important thing is that if you own the project/program, make sure you step up and really "own" it. On many occasions, I've seen presentations where the program owner does not present the material. Does this mean that you don't take input from key partners, implementers, stakeholders? No, absolutely not. You must, however, know your program at a detailed level. You are not just a coordinator… you are an owner. On those all important presentations, inputs are sent to you. You roll up the final presentation, you send it out to the stakeholders, YOU deliver the message. As a great team leader, make sure that, as appropriate, team members are recognized for their work during a presentation and present the areas they are responsible for. But YOU own the pen.

"The reciprocal rule of the pen: Don't accept or take a pen that doesn't belong to you." - Ancient adage

Have you ever had someone ask you to present something that you don't own? Perhaps even something that you aren't entirely on board with? The reciprocal rule says that you do not take a pen that doesn't belong to you. It's not yours. You don't like it when someone takes YOUR pen, so don't take someone else's. In the worst case scenario, you become the scapegoat for a poorly created strategy.

Keeping the pen can be challenging, especially in a scenario where there are major issues (i.e. schedule slipping, technical issues, etc.). Everyone seems to want to jump in and "help." They keep stopping by and taking the pen off your desk. You must maintain your cool. You must continue to own communications in all forms. You'll find yourself chasing down and squelching rumors. You'll be telling people who are panicking about potential schedule slips that unless they hear it from you, it isn't so. You'll be showing up at meetings they "forgot to invite you" to. Have a well thought out communications strategy. Make sure you know who your key management support is. Don't wait for a meeting… communicate by walking around, on IM, in email, on the phone. And if for some reason the pen leaves your possession? Go and get it… and take a bottle of whiteout with you… just in case.

Don't Forward That Email to Me!

We live in a world where speed is key. Everything has to be bigger, better, faster and so on. Time is money, so no one can afford to wait for anything. Unfortunately this development has enabled e-mail to become ridiculously over-used(abused?).

We all know that e-mail forwards can get you in trouble. Everyone has heard about the person who forwarded a nasty e-mail about their total drip of a boss to all their "close" friends only to have that person forward it to another person , who forwarded it yet again until that cute little note lands right in the boss's in-box and the next thing you know there is a cute little pink slip in yours.

Overly dramatic? I don't think so. Here is a list of some of the worst spam I get forwarded to me:

1. Political rants - I for one and really sick of getting other's people propaganda. Yes this is an important time to be involved in the political process, but hey, as a fully functioning adult, I can make my own decisions.

2. Scary Chain emails - You know the kind I mean - forward this to 10 million friends in the next thirty seconds or a house will fall on your sister! (Sorry Margaret...) I do not have the time or the desire to sift through these barely veiled threats to my eternal happiness. They fill up my in-box, carry viruses and are just plain annoying!

3. Religious requests - I know this might strike a nerve, but hey, I don't need religious instruction from random folks. I am pretty comfortable with my mortality and can make my own decisions about my eternal resting location. Don't send me forwarded prayer requests for little Susie in Guatemala who has X disease that can only be cured with my thoughts and prayers. If you really want to make change, volunteer, vote and be an advocate for a legitimate cause. Don't send me spam.

4. Ridiculous or inappropriate YouTube Videos - I love a good laugh as much as the next person, but most of the videos I receive are downright stupid. Also, most of these videos have been forwarded numerous times so that you may never know who the original sender was.

**A note about email privacy: Please check your send to list. If you put your contacts in the CC line then everyone can see every address you send it to. Before you hit that forward key stop and think, do you really want your boss, or significant other or even your grandmother to receive something you thought was funny but may be entirely inappropriate for them? Do you want them to see your entire contact list? If you must forward be discreet - use the BCC function!

Lessons from the Networking Trenches

I realized this month, during a conversation with one of my closest friends, that I’ve unknowingly surrounded myself with people who compliment me. I’ve been lucky enough to meet these women (and men, too) at school, various jobs, and through friends and family. Without even trying, I’ve created a network of professionals who have been willing to mentor me and support me where I’m lacking in skills, motivation or knowledge. They share lessons learned, trade services, recommend me to their acquaintances, and generally support me, and I return the favors. It’s a symbiotic relationship for all. It’s not just about what I need, and that’s the networking key.

It turns out that the purpose and importance of networking is not solely to make connections that you can cash in on later. Instead, networking is about meeting new people, supporting others and allowing them to support you when you need it. The goal of networking should always be about bringing people together to meet needs and get things done. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned about networking the right way.

Be aware, be kind and don’t be shy. Everywhere you go, there’s an opportunity to meet someone new. Smile at strangers, introduce yourself to that woman next to you on the train, and be kind to everyone. You never know who you might meet, and how you might be able to support each other. What do you have to lose? The least you’ll get out of it is a nice conversation to pass the commute time.

Think of others. Networking isn’t all about you. Instead of always wondering how a person can meet your needs, or how you can sell your services, consider how you might be able to help the people you know. Who might benefit from meeting this person? Or do you know someone who might be able to meet this person’s need?

Tell everyone you know about your business. It may sound simple, but if people don’t know what you do, they’ll never know if they need your services. That woman on the train might know someone who could benefit from your product. Your sister’s boss might be looking for someone who does what you do. Remind people often that you have services to offer and they’ll be much more likely to hire you.

Carry your business cards everywhere and hand them out! Again, this seems like a no-brainer, but you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been caught empty-handed in a situation where a business card might have sealed the deal. Even if the person you meet isn’t interested in what you have to offer right now, when she’s digging through her wallet a month from now and finds your business card, you might be exactly who she needs.

Networking has clearly never been my forte. I’ve only recently become comfortable striking up conversations with complete strangers, and I still sometimes forget to mention “what I do” when I meet someone new. But I’ve learned that networking doesn’t have to be a chore. Meeting new people is fun and eventually, handing over your card when you shake hands or say good-bye will become second nature. Think of networking as weaving a net that connects people of all different walks of life and ensures they’ll have what they need when they need it, or that they’ll at least know who to call to find it.

Visit Ami's personal blog or her professional website to learn more about her. You can also check out her new writing blog, Write Out Loud, a place for writers looking to free the stories inside them.